It's Official - God Hates Me

I am damned. I've always suspected it, but now I know it to be true - God does not like me one bit. Let me explain. While spending Thanksgiving at my friend's parents house, I was reintroduced to my nemesis, Space Cadet 3D Pinball. Years ago, when I worked at Office Depot, I would spend countless hours playing this game in the break room. I got pretty damned good at it, and at the time my high score was over 20 million points. On my first try on Thanksgiving I broke 7 million points, which is still not too bad, I guess. Since then, I've been playing it every chance I get. Apparently, 4 years of not playing it hasn't hurt me too much. Until today, that is.

Let me explain a little bit about the game to those of you who suck, or have never played it. You start out as a Space Cadet(go figure), who must work his way up to a Fleet Admiral by completion of various missions. All in all, there are about 24 missions you must complete to get to this rank, with only 3 balls at your disposal.

Prior to today, I had never gotten past the 4th rank. This evening I worked my way up to Fleet Admiral, the final fucking ranking. My score was over 40 million points, and it had taken me over an hour to get that far. I was on my 3rd ball, but I had a replay and an extra ball waiting for me, so chances are, I was going to beat the game. But God had other plans for me, it would appear. As soon as I started my second mission on the Fleet Admiral rank, my power went out. Let me re-emphasize that: MY FUCKING POWER WENT OUT.

So there you have it. If I had just barely broken my previous high score and the power went out, yeah, I probably would have been a little pissed. But to come close to doubling my previous score, and be just minutes away from beating this damned game, it just proves that God Hates Me.

What did I do to deserve this? I renounced my atheistic views on life years ago. I never killed anybody, or committed adultery. I don't covet my neighbors house, wife, servants(whether they be male or female), nor his ox and donkey. In addition, I've never born false witness against my neighbor. I love and honor my parents(most of the time), and I don't carve the likeness of anything that is in the heaven above, the earth beneath, or in the water under the earth. Yeah, I've stolen things in the past, but surely those Nickel Creek songs I downloaded off of Kazaa yesterday don't count. And yes, I do work on Sundays, but come on! How's a man supposed to make a living?

Waiting for lightning to strike me down,
Bob

PS - God, if you're reading this, I would appreciate some feedback. Feel free to post comments here(you have to register first, but it takes like 5 minutes. Just make some shit up.) If you'd rather comment in private, feel free to email or IM me. You probably know my email address and screen name already, seeing as how you're omniscient and all. I want to get this resolved, I hate it when people are mad at me. You're my dog, man!