Could I Have Been Anyone Other Than Me?

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a chemist. I got a chemistry kit for Christmas one year, and it came with about a dozen or so different chemicals and some basic tools. In the booklet provided with it, it listed an assload of different experiments you could perform with them. My favorite was one where you mixed a couple different chemicals in some water, and you got this cool pink water. Well, kids, the fun didn't start there. If you took a straw, and blew bubbles through this stuff, the pink went away, and it was clear again. Looking back, it sounds pretty stupid. But at the ripe young age of 7, I thought that was the coolest thing. I knew that I wanted to be a chemist. That all changed around my Junior year of high school.

Mrs. Carr. Or as all the kids liked to call her, Ms. Carraharrah, due to the fact that she was retarded and couldn't say a letter without adding a trailing "ah" sound. She made learning the wonders of chemistry about a tenth as fun as learning that just because someone is your elder doesn't mean you can't make fun of her to her face. It's hard to have a lot of respect for someone who has lived in America their whole life and is harder to understand than half of the concepts she was trying to get across. And being the lazy fuck that I am, instead of struggling to comprehend the subject of my dreams, I took to writing notes back and forth to the crazy chick that sat beside me. Whoops.

Next up, after Chemistry failed me(rather, I failed Chemistry with a grade of 37), I decided, hey, I'll be a computer programmer. I've been a computer geek my whole life, and it's good money these days! I've been programming for years, it ought to be cake! Then I remembered that I fucking hate programming, and the only reason I learned how to program in the first place was so that I could figure out how to 'crack' the software on my computer so that I didn't have to pay for it. To this day I still have people telling me that I should be a programmer. "You're always on the computer, why not do something useful with it?, " They say. To them, and this is official, I say "Because computers fucking suck." The only reason that I use computers is for free information. I'm too lazy to go to the library, so I use the damned internet. That's it. Yes, I know my way around a computer extremely well, but I derive absolutely no satisfaction from that fact. When you've been using a computer since before you could read, the wonder is somewhat lacking.

So... two prospective careers down. My Senior year of high school I was fortunate enough to take a psychology class with a Mr. Mark Schafer. This guy could have made accounting exciting. I learned so much from the man it was remarkable. I had a 2.0 GPA weighted, yet I got the highest grade in his class of anyone that year. He knew how much of an underachiever I was, and after my final exam he pulled me aside and told me that I was the smartest kid he ever taught, which I know to be bullshit, but still, it was a meaningful sentiment to me. I thought then that maybe psychology is really my forte. That is, until I took my first psychology course at NC State, where the teacher was about as exciting as a hole in my socks.

Three strikes, and I'm out of fucking ideas. I'm 23 years old, and I have absolutely no direction. I don't know what I want to do with my life, and that's a pretty horrible feeling. Most people my age at least have it figured out enough to the point where they are willing to settle down with a career that they might be good at, even though they know they might not love it. Well, being the stubborn dipshit that I am, I won't do much of anything if I don't like it. And look where that puts me- I'm a goddamned waiter at a chain restaurant. Thanks a shitload, Mrs. Carraharrah.