I blame Cary, NC for everything.

I have not posted in a while, and I'm sorry. Will you forgive me? Thanks. I knew I could count on you. Life has been...unusual for me lately. I have been out-of-sorts, but not in a bad way. I've been kind of sick for almost a week now, but I'm feeling a lot better now. Still hacking shit up, but it seems to be passing.

I have been on a drinking binge these past few days. I'm exaggerating a tad- I have gone out and drank the past few nights with friends. I went to a club on Tuesday, which will probably surprise a least a couple of my readers. And, for the first time in a long time, I had fun! I danced, and not by myself! Hehe... I forgot how awesome dancing with sweaty girls is! I wasn't sitting around, shooting the breeze, judging everyone I see. I was out getting wasted with some new kids(my age) at work who wanted to see me loosen up some. They suceeded immensely.

For those of you might not know, I can be a really, really... reserved person. It takes me a long time to 'warm up' to certain people, and with other types of people(usually the ones that I know right from the start that I won't like), I put on a front. I play a character. It sounds kind of pathological, but it's just my way of getting along with people that I ordinarily wouldn't. I don't make a lot of real friends. I have(and have always had) a few really good friends, and then I have acquintances- People that I like, but I just don't connect with enough to hang out with them, which I've realized is a ridiculous way of looking at things. It is a snobby way to be, and right now my friendships with a few people here are on shaky ground(not bad terms- job changes, people moving, and the like). So I've felt a need to let down my guard and open up to people.

So far, it has been surprisingly easy, like a barrier that has just been biding it's time until some kid gives it a swift kick and it crumbles to dust. I have connected with several people in the past weeks that I probably would not have let myself connect with in the past. For me, that is a drastic move. I can be a judgemental prick, and in the past I have been unapologetic for it. Well, here it is- I am sorry about my prior snobbery. I am not such an awesome person that you should have to be similar to me for me to like you. It wasn't too long ago that I was a chubby dork. Hell, I'm a skinny geek now, so who am I to judge?

*huge sigh*

That feels better. I've needed to put myself in my place for years. Maybe my chronic suburbanism had finally subsided. When you grow up in a town like Cary, North Carolina(a suburb of Raleigh), it's hard not to hate everyone that crosses your path. I don't know what it is about those people, but something about them always rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was the way that people who I've known for years don't even acknowledge my presence in the company of the 'popular' clique. Or the way that I had to find the few people in the whole artificial town that were real people, not trying to conform to any cliques standards in order to make friends. Cary High School was like joining a fraternity, at least in my class. When I heard about the shit that went down at Columbine, my very first thought was that it could have been Cary. The atmosphere the kids described seemed very familiar. I didn't let it get under my skin, but I still have a lot of resent for some of those people. After 13 years of living there, there are maybe 10 people that I even think about on a regular basis, and only two that I keep in touch with- Dave and Angela. 13 years, two friends accumulated. There were more along the way, but those two are in the select few along the way who did not fuck me over in some way, shape, or form. They are awesome people.

People in Louisville, Kentucky- my limited scope of it- are not like Cary-ites(as they call themselves). They are much more accepting, and just plain friendlier. I fit in here, and it's a new feeling for me. I honestly used to think I was a person who just couldn't be at home anywhere, but I do sort of feel at home here, at least for the time being.

So anyway, yeah, I've turned a new leaf, and I'm happy about it. I'm going out tonight with some chicks from work, it should be fun. Who knows, maybe I'll have a story to post when I get home!